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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Longer the waiting, sweeter the kiss.

oh, the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss.

it's better my darling, I promise you this.

will you wait for me, darling?

  Waiting. It's not a word any of us care for. Waiting is not popular in this culture. In an age of fast microwaves, fast cars, fast internet, and fast food... we don't like waiting. In fact, if you really stop and notice - we all tend to get very irritated when we must wait longer than we'd like: when the line at Starbucks takes forever, when we're stranded in turtle-slow traffic, when the poor waiter at the restaurant is having a rough day, or when somebody is late to meet us. Over the years, I've noticed how clearly I dislike the times things do not fit into my perfectly-planned timetable. How annoyed and downright discontent I tend to become when things don't happen when I want them to.

  Yet, I've also come to see - as time passes and seasons change over and over again - how beautiful waiting can be. And I want to remind you of this beauty today.

  You see, it's kind of like Christmas (it's the best illustration I can think of...and besides, around June/July I start missing Christmas like crazy so let's just throw this in here for good measure.) I believe certain things must be anticipated and waited for. And one of these things is sex. Though not everyone agrees, I firmly believe it must be waited for. It's worth waiting for. And here's why:

   Imagine with me... a child waking up on Christmas morning to a messy, cold house. There's no fire in the fireplace, no cheery Christmas lights. A tree from last year stands in the living room, it's ornaments fallen off and broken, lights gone dim. The presents under the tree were ripped open weeks ago, torn wrapping paper strewn about with dust settling on it from ashes in the fireplace. No candles lit, no happy Christmas music playing - because the iPod died after being played over and over the last few weeks. You see, this family celebrated Christmas right after Thanksgiving.  They wanted Christmas to come so badly this year, they decided not to wait. As gifts were bought, they were immediately unwrapped right after. The special Christmas breakfast food was eaten soon after purchase at the grocery store. The coffee had been drunk, only used grounds sitting in the stale coffee maker. The rocking horse given to the child broke about a week ago in a frenzy of mid-day play one bored afternoon. Christmas had already been celebrated. But not in a big, much-anticipated, excitement-filled event that had been saved up for - presents wrapped and tucked carefully under a beautiful tree.... food bought and dutifully prepared, carefully placed in wrappings in the refrigerator, waiting to be prepared on this very day. The Christmas tree was not thoughtfully set up, ready for the big unveiling: lights and ornaments placed just so. No wood stacked up and set beside the fireplace, ready to be burned as it's flames send warmth into the celebratory room. No gifts to savor opening, no pretty shiny paper taped precisely and carefully for little hands to happily unwrap. No iPod all charged up, playing the special yearly album that is saved for one day and one day alone each year. No camera batteries charged, no lenses cleaned and ready to snap precious pictures.  No Christmas pajamas to be worn, no soft new fleece to sink into as stockings are opened. No Christmas meal to eat. 

 Because, you see - it's already been done. 

 Yeah, opening the gifts as they came was it's own way. But it was fleeting and now it's over. There is no big, special event. And the family is regretting it very much. Everything's over, done, tarnished even. Dusty, used, broken. The fun's been had. Not in an exciting culmination of - "I can't take it anymore but it's FINALLY the day!!" - that comes when something is prepared for, carefully readied, longed-for, anticipated. 

   The anticipation is half the fun. This is how I feel when I look at the majority of couples who "rip into" the beauty and fun of sex and marriage from day one. When they're "hooking up" with an almost-stranger on a first date, having the most intimate experience - physically, emotionally and spiritually - one can share with anyone, there is soon nothing new. Oh, you don't really know each other. That takes way more time. But the beautiful gift from God called sex is forced open, like a bud - it's petals torn off before their time, forever stunting the flower's growth. Instead of carefully gazing at the precious bud in wonder, watching as the days pass and soon the petals slowly yet surely open - and the flower blooms into something beautiful, natural, spectacular even. Instead, the bud is forced open. Yes, the petals are still there and still semi-intact. The flower is still a lovely color. Yet, it didn't ever really bloom, did it? It was stunted and forced...and that is not blooming. Blooming takes time. And you cannot really see it happening. Only over hours, days, weeks...nurturing, tending, and watching over it - giving the bud proper light, water, food....but mostly, time and space to bloom. A bud is just like a relationship between a man and a woman. It takes time and space to get to know one another, to establish a relationship. It takes waiting and patience - you must be still for a spell. And at the right time, it will surely bloom. A relationship will be ready for marriage, and it will bloom into something that takes your breath away. 

   My dear readers, this is why I am waiting for my future husband. This is why I am abstaining from sex at this time, while I am unmarried. It might be fun in the moment, but that would take away from the beauty of the later - the full bloom. It would steal from the fun of looking forward. I don't want to wake up on the "Christmas morning" of my future relationship with my man and realize we've already ripped into the gifts. I don't want to realize that the fun of a long-awaited day finally arriving, the traditions and music and food and gifts of our "Christmas" are already used up. I don't want to realize, "Oh man! We used up all the wood for a fire last Tuesday... the tree died a month ago... last week we ate all the food, and the week before that? We took all the garland off the mantel and the lights off the house and threw them away, because they wore out, faded, and got dusty." I don't want to realize we've stolen all the long-lasting beauty of the bloom just because we were too impatient to anticipate the beauty of waiting.

   Purity is a funny thing. It grows more beautiful with time. Like fine wine: the longer it is in a cellar, stored away in the coolness and darkness, the better it will be in the future. Like a pearl: with more waiting, chafing and time, it becomes shiner and finer. 

   There is such beauty in purity. Such joy at the end of waiting. Yes, it is hard. It's not easy to wait. It's not always very fun. Honestly, at times it seems as though it may be best to just rip into those pretty "Christmas presents" and have the fun now - forget the holiday! But, in the end, I know it is better to wait. Because after waiting ... especially after waiting for what seems like forever, it is oh so worth it. 

    Sex is a gift. It is sacred and special. It is made by God. It is meant for marriage. And oh how beautiful, safe, protected, and sweet it is - where it is supposed to be. Darling friends, wait for it. For those of you who are still waiting like I am - be encouraged. You are not alone. Stay strong and resist the constant temptations that try to tear down and distract our faithful hearts. When you fall at times, get back up bravely and move on. If you are one who has already opened your "gifts" - it's not too late. You can recycle them, you can start afresh today - you can wait from this point on and receive the sweet redemption, renewal and forgiveness the Lord offers. 

    And for you already married ones, the ones who are already celebrating their long-awaited "Christmas" - you are our inspiration. Please share, in the comments below, how worth the wait was. 'Cause I know it was - some of y'all have already told me!

 And dears, perhaps your "waiting" looks different than this. 
 Perhaps your waiting is...

for a baby.

for the home you're saving for.

for the time when your husband is done with school
 & you can be a stay at home wifey.

for the dream you're working towards.

for the one you love to finally come home from war.

for 2 years of work to culminate in a degree you can hold in your hands.

Whatever it is you long for. Whatever it is you're waiting for... 
Remember that waiting is not a bad thing. in fact - it's really very beautiful. When it blooms in it's own time and not in yours.

It's gonna be so very worth it, loves. Just as we cannot force the sun to rise, don't force it. Don't force the thing you are waiting for. Just wait and be patient, bravely.

For the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss. I promise you this.



*the title and some words in this post were inspired by this song.

* outfit stats:

top: gift from a friend who lives in Texas!
headband: Target
necklace: Forever 21
watch: Michael Kors (you already know that, I wear it in every shoot)
bracelet: handmade by me!
belt: Forever 21
skirt: Angl - boutique in Los Angeles (it used to be a dress  but I upcycled it - yeah!)


  1. Love this. It is so very true.

    I can tell you from one who didn't wait, that it is worth it. always. There are so many things we have had to work through. We were thankfully the first and only ones but it easily could have not ended up that way. It adds so much more to a relationship when you have that to build on. It is so much sweeter and worth waiting for. In this day and age where "experience" is touted as desirable, I dare to say that "experience" just brings you heartache and many memories that you don't want to remember. Who wants to worry about having the "great" memories from the past return during sweet moments with their beloved? And, really. You can't outsmart God. It isn't about what "works for you" or the fact that he "really does love me." Real love values purity and is ok with waiting. I pray that one day you too will be able to have those cherished moments. XoXo -Laura

  2. We waited. For 5 years. It can be done. :) By some happy circumstances, we're also the only person eachother has ever kissed, and that little fact is a blessing as well. My lips: no one else has ever touched. Can't say we planned it that way, as I just ended up marrying my first boyfriend, but it's certainly a boon!

  3. i love this so much! thank you for your encouraging words and perfect analogies!

    since I just finished reading redeeming love..and this.. i am on such a kick of encouragement to wait so thank you!

    i am waiting, waiting, waiting and it is hard sometimes but you're right...Jesus makes everything beautiful!

  4. You have SUCH an amazing way with words Erin! That Christmas metaphor was just perfect!

    My boyfriend and I are both waiting for marriage. It's wonderful and so exciting to think of how extra special our wedding night will be because we've decided to wait. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm so glad you're as passionate about it as I am!

  5. Erin, you certainly have a way with words. Seriously, most of your posts really make me think. I like the term "recycle?" when it comes to this topic...because that is just what I've been doing and will continue to do until the Lord blessing me with the man I'm going to marry. Thank you, for this inspiring and beautiful post!

    Have a great day!

  6. Ms. Erin, you have gone and done it again, I am crying. I love your blog and your beautiful words! I had my "Christmas" stolen from me when I was a freshman in High School from a boy I thought I could trust. After that I felt so unworthy and unloved like I had asked for this to happen. It started this vicious cycle that I couldn't stop. It wasn't until I met the man that is now my husband and found Christ that I realized that you can go back, you can start over. I want to encourage and lift up those who didn't wait whether not waiting was voluntary or not, it doesn't matter. It isn't too late to start over. Just ask God to help, to take it back and give you the strength to wait.

    This whole thing didn't hit me until I read the part about my waiting looking different. We are most definitely awaiting a baby and the waiting is the hardest part bar none. We are on our fifth round of fertility treatments and every day I just pray for patience, just to get through one more day because I know if I just get through the day it will bring me one day closer.

  7. I admire you for posting this. More young girls need to know the beauty in waiting. Your phrase 'stunting the flowers growth' couldn't be more true. Of all my friends who have that special gift up too soon it took them years to see their self worth again, they felt used unappreciated and embarrassed. I was really fortunate that I was able to wait. I was almost twenty three when I got married and it seemed impossibly difficult some times but there was nothing like the first morning waking up together. It literally was perfect. There is a trust and vulnerability I have with my husband I never had with anyone else, it is worth the wait.

  8. I wish everyone thought like you did. I was raised with this belief but had an entire group of friends who didnt share this belief. I think my whole journey with God would have been easier if they would have shared in this belief..... Thank You

  9. I have told you before, but O'll say it again

    1. Oops! That wasn't supposed I post yet! =P
      I've said it before, but just for fun O'll say it again. It is SO WORTH THE WAIT! =) Marriage is such an incredibly beautiful gift. Most likely, when prince charming comes along, you won't see perfection. You'll see a work in progress. Of that progress is steadily towards Jesus, you'll get the pleasure of watching a godly man become your godly prince harming right before your eyes. You'll push each other into deeper relationships with Christ than you could have imagined. It will be AWESOME!
      Alesha <3

  10. You have such a way with words, Erin! I am a sophomore in college - never had a boyfriend, never even kissed anyone. It would be so easy to just go and find "Christmas" with any random person, but what good would that do? Thanks for the reminder that there is beauty in waiting.

  11. This is such a beautiful post! I want to share it with the world, you hit the nail right on the head. I remember signing a card in middle school, "true love waits" (early 90's campaign), and kinda held it in the back of my mind. But I stuck w/it. 1/2 was fear from my parents and the other 1/2 b/c I knew it was right to wait. My time will come. I was a kissing bandit back in my day, but never even went below the belt. Once they saw that, they left. Really shows their true self... That was for my husband. And I have to say, while I was unmarried the 1st time I had sex, that didn't make it right. I was 25, and it was 1 yr b/4 I married the love of my life. He was the most patient & understanding of my wanting to wait. He didn't question me for it, either. We married, had a beautiful time, and he's now been baptised & we are so in love. I get the waiting! I wish at times I had truly waited, but I am soo glad I didn't go any further!! I find it hard not to "judge" sometimes, but I will work on turning my thoughts to praying for them, to find the patience that you (and so many others) have. :)

  12. I only wish I had waited. Now I pray my girls wait. I would honestly feel as if I failed as a mother if they don't wait and give it to their husband.

    Thank you for this!

    Btw.. love you!


  13. I waited for my sweet husband, and it was the best gift that we could have ever given each other. Now we wait for a little baby. We've been waiting for nearly 3 years now. Everything is in the Lord's time though, not ours. Thank you for being such an inspiration and being so open about your beliefs (even when "the world" would find them unpopular)

  14. I love your blog and this post is awesome! It's so refreshing to read about someone who values "sex" and is wanting to wait for marriage. That's wonderful. I too waited til I was married to be with my hubby and I'm so glad we did. It's made our love life all the better. You are awesome!

  15. Ohhh I love this. My husband and I both waited, and it let it be known that it IS worth it! One of the beautiful parts about waiting is experiencing it together for the first time. There are no memories that come flooding back, comparisons to be made, or guilt to be felt. It was pure and innocent and new for us both, and that was incredibly beautiful.

    Waiting was honestly one of the hardest thing I've ever done, but I would do it all over again. It's worth it 100%, and any guy who disagrees is not the guy for you!

  16. Thank you so much for sharing!! I really enjoyed reading this :)

  17. Great post and what an inspiration you are to those who aren't married yet! God Bless!

  18. Thank you for speaking up about something that could be "awkward." I too am abstaining from sex until marriage and I think it is worth the wait :) I want to be able to give my husband something nobody else gets, he'll deserve it!

  19. Thank you for sharing this so eloquently. You put into words what so many people are afraid to address. I'm also waiting for my "Christmas" and for the Lord to bring my future husband into my life. I know it will be SO worth the wait and this is such an encouragement to embrace the sweetness of this season.

  20. Hi! I'm new to your blog, but I wanted to tell you how much I loved this post. Society doesn't share in this same thought process and it shows. I just learned this week that 6 in 10 people are infected with an STI or STD wether they know it or not. So outside of our faith there is a big red blinking light that people refuse to see that is screaming "Wait!" I hope that your post will reach so many. I waited till marriage for intercourse and it was for me the best decision I've ever made. I know if I would have shared it with someone and later he would have broken up with me I would be crushed emotionaly. When it talks about two flesh become one in scripture it's no joke. Thank you for such a great post! Xoxo

  21. As a married woman (of almost ten years!!) who waited, I would definitely agree that waiting is the way to go. I would get frustrated because people wouldn't even believe me that I was waiting, but oh well. I wasn't doing it for other people.

    And I loved your words at the end. There are other areas of my life where they really ring true.

  22. So happy to see you standing up to our cultural norms and teaching other women that waiting is worth it. I love how I related it to waiting for other things in life. I really needed to read that today! Thank you :)

  23. You are such a genuine soul :) I absolutely love love this post! You are such an inspiration and I can guarantee so many people look up to you! I know I do! I love you girl!

    Happy Wednesday!

  24. "Whatever it is you long for. Whatever it is you're waiting for...
    Remember that waiting is not a bad thing. in fact - it's really very beautiful. When it blooms in it's own time and not in yours."
    AMen to this! I absolutely love what you said. That it's God's timing that makes it beautiful. I have to remind myself of this. I love how you put it about the flower still being in tact but not fully grown.! how much better if it had been to its full maturity ! so awesome!
    thanks for this!
    xoxo Mila

  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

  26. Oh girl!! This post is everything my heart longs to say to every single girl I meet. I LOVE your heart!!! =) =)
    It is SO worth the wait. Even saving your first kiss. Being able to unwrap that physical intimacy at whatever pace the two of you desire without worrying about crossing boundaries. Its a beautiful gift and one you can totally enjoy without worry or guilt. Its BEAUTIFUL!!! =) =) =)
    Its outshines any other wedding gift when you wait till then, just like the one gift at Christmas that is most precious to you!!! =) =)
    I CANT WAIT to meet the man the Lord deems worthy of your heart!!!! =) =)

    Much Love & hugs

  27. From an 18 year old whos fixing to head to college as a virgin...thanks for this (: Im waiting for my future husband as well, but I just wanted to thank you for reminding me how blessed I am and for the purity God has given me.

  28. found this on facebook--L (who commented above) shared it.

    Sweet girl, I would LOVE to meet you!! This is the most beautifully written post on waiting for marriage I've ever read. You've inspired me: that just might be something I write about soon myself! :)

    From a girl who waited for marriage to have sex, let me tell you and everyone else, it is SO worth the wait.

    We didn't do things perfectly. We crossed some boundaries we shouldn't have crossed before we got married. But through those failures God showed us his love and grace in a way I had never imagined.

    I might do some things differently if I could do it over. But I'd only wait longer to do anything! I did save my first kiss for the man who is now my husband--he saved his for me, too--and I can't express how precious that is. That we were each other's first EVERYTHING.

    I am a firm believer in the fact that everything goes best when it's done God's way. That absolutely includes sex. Within marriage, it's the best, most beautiful, most delightful and intimate thing imaginable--and all that would be lost outside of marriage.

    I'm so thankful for God's grace and forgiveness for those times we do mess up, because I know how easy it is to go too far.

    But let me assure all of you who aren't yet married: the wait is absolutely, completely, 100% worth it. You won't be disappointed--and don't take my word for it. :) Take God's!

  29. This is so beautiful! You are such an inspiration girl! I didn't date anyone until I met my hubby! It is definitely worth it to have all your firsts with one person! :)

  30. i didn't know you also blogged about waiting, girl. how sweet. I really love your blog. it's very inspiring. :)


  31. This is a GREAT POST!!! :)

    xoxo dear girl! Your PRINCE is coming!

  32. Erin, my truly sweet, sweet friend. I know this comment is a little late...but maybe I wanted it to stand out?! ;)

    Whenever I read one of your posts, I am at a loss for words. Everything you say is so beautifully written and perfectly arranged.

    God has given you an amazing gift to write and inspire. Girl, you blessed! :)

    Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, WRITE A BOOK! I will say no more. LOVE YOU!!!!


  33. Erin, you are AMAZING!!! This post was perfect. Thank you always for your beautiful and encouraging words.

    Love your outfit too! You are beautiful. Love ya, girlie.


  34. Erin, you are such a beautiful soul. This topic weighs in my mind from time to time. I am waiting as well and like you said, sometimes it's not fun or easy. But I believe it will be worth it too. Beautifully said!

    - Katelyn

  35. You are so wise. I am so thankful for the way God speaks to me through you! Love this. Love your heart. Love YOU.

  36. Erin, I love your blog! It is so encouraging and inspiring to Christian girls living in a ungodly world! Thank you so much for this post. I'm about to be 20 and have been with my college boyfriend for almost 2 years. We're both waiting and it is sooo hard at times! I know God will bless us in the future if we continue to obey his commands to wait for marriage :) I also could not imagine giving my husband a better gift and being able to share such a special moment with the him! Thanks again Erin!

  37. I absolutely adore this post!!!! You are so precious and explained things so very well! I am so glad that I waited for my husband.


sweet friends, share your heart.

"kind words are like honey...sweet..and healing.." -proverbs 16:24.


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