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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

oh how He loves.

    The white eyelet curtain flitted and danced in the night air as I sat at my vintage desk, cupping my hands comfortably around a steamy mug of vanilla chai tea. It's been unseasonably cool here in the evenings - the days just warm enough to remind me that summer promises to come, the nights just chilly enough to keep my favorite down comforter on my bed and (on rare evenings) even get away with wearing soft chenille socks. Saturday night I sat at my desk, drinking in the fresh crispness of the night air. Because my desk is pressed up against my window (think John-Boy-from-the-Walton's set up) it's my favorite place to write. And as I sat alone musing, pressing stamps to paper in an effort to create some DIY project I found on Pinterest, I turned on a little country music as the perfect background to such a scene. My go-to is usually some good old Rascal Flatts or a little Brad Paisley, but that night I decided to change things up and went with Mr. Kenny Chesney. Before I knew it, somewhere between "Boys of Fall" (that song gets me every time) and "Don't Blink", hot tears began to fall (ruining my craftastic DIY attempt) and I just sat. Thinking about life, dreams, the ebb and flow of time, where my heart has been, and how the Lord shows up in the most beautiful and amazing ways.


   And crazily (is that a word?! now it is) enough - as the Lord would have it - a few moments later, my little relaxing "me time" scene was ended...with a sudden power outage due to strong winds (guess that cool night breeze got stronger as I sat there all wrapped up in country songs). "Zhooommm"....and gone. The lights - off. My laptop - dead. My phone - black screen. (Clearly, need to practice charging my electronics) The crafting plans, writing ideas, and emails that I needed to write were suddenly obsolete for the night. And so, tea in hand, I crept to the bed in the dark and slid under the down comforter and just sat. And I realized (sadly) how seldom I ever just sit. Just sit and be. More importantly - just sit and pray. And think. Not just the thinking and praying I do while I'm drifting to sleep after a crazy day. But really sitting - alone, undisturbed - with no iPhone flashing updates in the form of text messages, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Blogger, and email to distract me. No computer to listen to music on. Just silence and peace. And I just sat (already emotional, thanks to Kenny) and thought about how great my God is, how much He loves me, how little I really deserve it, and how much I love Him for it. I thought about my dreams - the ones I began to grow a bit discouraged in at certain moments in the past few weeks. And I thought about how precious the Lord is for how He cares for our hurting hearts at the perfect moment.

    I thought about my heart a few weeks ago.... one of those weeks when it's hard to get through Monday without alot of prayer (and coffee!) and just goes from bad to worse. One of the "when it rains, it pours" types of weeks when everything is falling apart at the seems and you start to feel weak. Discontentment led to discouragement, discouragement led to feeling downcast, and feeling downcast (in all honesty) led me to feeling a little depressed (ah! did I really just say that?! Are we allowed to talk about being depressed in the Christian blog community? Heck yeah. We are here at least. Because, even though we don't like to talk about it on these cute, well-designed blogs - if we are breathing, discouragement and even depression sometimes sneak into our lives.) Stuff just piled up in my life. And without sharing all the detail, I began to feel like I was drowning in craziness. I just could not take it anymore. (Am I alone in feeling this way?) I finally lost it and just cried out to the Lord. I should've done that in the first place.... but sadly, too often my heart wanders to every place but Jesus. And after exhausting myself searching around trying to fix my problems all alone, I finally ran to His feet and cried out to Him - "Lord, come. Forgive me for not running to You in the first place. Show me You are near. Take care of me....Come, Lord." I just talked to Him - I cried out to Him through tears and pain. I was honest with Him about the things I don't have and think I need - the things my flesh struggles with, honestly. The way I struggle with comparing my life to other people's. I am brutally honest with the Lord. I don't just pray a standard prayer, ask Him to deliver me from my sin...in Jesus name, amen. Of course, I talk to Him about everything - my sin, the ways I fall, the ways my flesh struggles against my spirit. But I also just talk to Him. Like a best friend.


    Through tears, I told my Jesus how I don't understand why certain things have happened the way they have. I poured out my heart and the things I do not understand. Even, how I wished I was able to go to Influence conference, but there was no possible way. And I cried as the Lord just wrapped me up in His amazing peace and grace.

  And I kid you not, my dear readers.... less than an hour later, I got one of the most incredible emails I have ever received. From a sweet friend of mine whom I've never "officially" met, a precious woman of God who crossed my path because of this amazing thing called blogging. A friend who was broken by the Lord - who shared with me in the sweetest, most humble words how God had placed me on her heart that week. How she was praying and how He laid on her heart. How she wept through church that morning, and how she obeyed what she felt God laid on her heart to do for a sister in Christ. Friends - she made it possible for me to attend Influence Conference. I was blown away. Not only by her generosity, kindness, care, and love. But by how much, and how personally, the Lord loves His daughters.




   By how He whispered to the heart of sweet Annie ... how she listened to her King. And by her obedience and servant's heart, the Lord healed another daughter's broken heart. How the Lord knows each of our situations, each of our hearts - and how He can do amazing, life-changing things through one sister in Christ to another - even though they are miles and miles apart. How He cares for our hearts. How He provides for our needs. How good and faithful and kind He is.

   How I fail a thousand times, yet His mercy remains. Oh, how He loves us.

   I share these things with you, almost reluctantly. Sharing our hearts in vulnerability is not always easy. But I feel compelled to share this - because I want you all to know - each and every one of you beautiful ones - how much He loves you. He loves you and me so amazingly, incredibly, perfectly, and overwhelmingly. It blows me away.


     Oh, how He loves us. Take a moment this week - turn off your computer, power down the smart phone, shut the door, and just sit. Sit and breathe, feel the cool evening air on your face - and talk to Jesus. A power outtage was my rude awakening to how little I meditate on Him. May we take time to stop, to pray, to breathe, and to just think about how He loves us.

                                                                                                                                                              
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son,
that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
-John 3:16


"How wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."
-Ephesians 3:18


"But God shows His love for us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:8


Praying that you and I begin to comprehend how high, deep, wide, long
and grace-filled His love is for us.


***



....I may or may not be back soon with a rare vlog for ya. :)
*photos from a recent trip I took to Santa Monica. More to come!

26 comments:

  1. gorgeous gorgeous. your posts are the bomb dot com. :) cantttt wait for the vlog!!

    love you! (:

    x.

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  2. Little angels are everywhere in our lives be it a stranger or the person next door you just never know when they spread their wings and cradle you in. Sooooo happy for you beautiful!

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  3. Awwe praise God. Thank you for sharing about God's unending love. And it's ok to talk about feelings of depression, (we've all battled with them) it's what we do with those feelings which is to overcome them through the power given to us through Christ Jesus. Thanks for posting this sis!

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  4. What a powerful and inspirational post. Thank you for sharing!!!

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  5. ERIN.

    God has broken my heart anew and I am sitting here in tears. He loves us. Oh, how He loves us!

    I've never believed more strongly in the power of mountain moving than after this.

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  6. also: I cannot WAIT to meet you!!!!

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  7. Oh Erin, how I needed your post tonight. I looked up that conference-I am so happy for your blessing!! And you will be near my neck of the woods a little bit! You're fantastic. Thank you for your genuine spirit and transparency. I say it all the time but I mean it with all my heart-You are such a blessing to me! I laughed out loud at your Walton's reference, one of my clients watches them every day, haha. You're so right, when things are stripped away from us we are truly able to see how incredible God is. Another great post friend! Much, Much love to ya!

    XO

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  8. Your posts always inspire me so much, thank you for being amazing and writing about what God puts on your heart. You are a blessing to me and so is your blog :) I'm thankful for your obedience to write what God desires. So thank you, so much. Thanks for challenging me, thanks for being different than so many other girls, thanks for putting your heart on the line. Youre a beautiful person and I'm thankful God allowed me to find your blog :) XO

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  9. Love your blog and this post! Something I need to be reminded of from time to time. Thank you for sharing your heart, even if it is reluctantly. It's inspiring and encouraging. Thank you also for your email this week.

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  10. Our God is so good :) It's so silly not to run to Him first but of course I always try to figure everything out on my own first. Let's encourage each other to take our struggles and dreams and heartbreaks to Him first, yes?

    I love you and Annie both and am so thrilled to be able to meet you :) You have no idea!

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  11. Beautiful, raw post. I just love hearing how God works in such awesome and amazing ways. You are such a great writer and I know that you inspire so many people through your blog :) I love your heart, girl!

    Say xx

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  12. the post truly spoke to my heart. your words are sooo very true. i need to take more time out to speak to Him and thank Him more for all of life's blessings. He does love me more than I'll ever know and this makes me happy. thanks for this beautiful and truthful post!

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  13. This is very beautiful. I'm a fellow Christian and sister in Christ and I love seeing inspiring posts. :) Also, vanilla chai tea is also my favorite. haha. I love your blog. Check out mine too if your heart so desires:)

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  14. To encourage others is a gift from God, thank you for so eloquently & effectively sharing your gift. I pray I can do as well. I just started blogging (Blessed But Still Stressed) and hope the Lord is as pleased with my work as I'm sure he is with yours!
    God Bless!
    CAS

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  15. You are such a beautiful soul. Love you. I see God shining through every post of yours.

    I want to go to Influence so much and knowing you'll be there makes me even crazier to go! Keep on praying but for me now? k, thanks.

    xo Alanna

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  16. I love this post. Thank you for sharing your heart. I was just thinking yesterday, as I took a quiet moment away with the Lord, how often I get caught up in the busy-ness and noise. It is beyond good to "be still and know" that He is GOD.

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  17. what an amazing story. His love is so amazing. :) I am so glad that you could go to your conference. hope this week gets better for you!!!

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  18. lovely blog you have here...Such inspiring sweet words!

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  19. Oh my friend! I finally have a chance to catch up on a little blog reading. I'm so proud of you for this post. I truly believe that, just like Plan B lays out so beautifully in the last chapters, we need to stop pretending that life as Christians is perfect. We DO have bad days.. things get overwhelming. We get stressed, disappointed, and all of that. But we have something to turn to in all of that... and when we do, it seems that that is when He shines strongest. Love you friend!! I so wish you could join me this beautiful Saturday morning for a cup of coffee, a chat, and to listen to a little bit of Pandora set to music from The Story and For King & Country. :) Hugs!!

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  20. P.S. I am praying right now for encouragement, and for wonderful things to come of all this. :) And actually, I'm praying that prayer for both you and me! <3

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sweet friends, share your heart.

"kind words are like honey...sweet..and healing.." -proverbs 16:24.

xo.

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