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Saturday, November 10, 2012

Somebody really loves you.


  So friends.... I gotta get some thoughts off my chest. And tonight, you are the perfect ones to share my heart with. Earlier today, I was at Costco. You know, just running some Saturday errands with my mama (by the way, something FAB happened on our way there... that story's coming in the next post.) There I was, walking around on that concrete floor, perusing those blessed aisles full of bulk amazing-ness, drooling over the marked-down Ugg boots, trying not to eat every sample in sight, and secretly wishing I could just up and buy the 10-foot tall Nutcracker statue that stood staring at me in the Holiday decor section (even though, let's face it: I have no place to put it... let alone the fact that I sure as heck don't have 150 bucks to spend on a ginormous Christmas statue.) 

There I was - huge flatscreen TV's on my left, giant Nutcrackers and light-up trees leering at me on the right, when she walked up to me. She was frantic, running - in fact. And I was a little taken off guard. This middle aged, brown-haired woman in high heels and a leopard print dress basically ambushed me. She grabbed my arm, and asked (before she could catch a breath) "Hi!! How old are you????" 

"Uhh.." I muttered, a little surprised by the whole scene. She must be a reader of my blog! I thought, wishfully (oh, us bloggers!) Or maybe someone who knows me from the church I grew up in? I answered, "I'm 25...." And she sighed, "OH NO! I was SURE you were younger!! You look so much younger! You're not 17?!?!? MAN! BUMMER!" 

"Um, no.. I'm not 17! Sorry!" I answered, slightly puzzled. But a little too shocked to think to ask her why on earth she was so desperately interested in my age. She went on to compliment me extravagantly with embarrassingly nice comments - telling me how pretty she thought I was. It was flattering and nice. But then - she quickly walked away! I turned to my mom and said, "Umm what was that about?" And then we both remembered - she was the talent scout lady. The one whose face, for the past 5 years, had been hanging on a  billboard at the local mall - advertising for her LA based agency who were "always looking for young talent", specifically interested in starring in Disney Channel shows. We laughed it off, and moved on with our day.


But for some reason, the whole interaction stuck with me. I couldn't shake it. The wheels in my head started turning..."Ohhh MY GOSH, I AM SO OLD." I thought. In retrospect, I don't think the interaction with the talent scout lady is what brought these thoughts to the surface. If I were to be completely honest with you, I think the feelings were in my heart and mind long before the Costco trip, and were just fueled into flame by the odd interaction.... they were already there, you see. Because, my birthday is nearly here. And honestly, the thought of passing that 25 mark and jumping to 26? It kinda scares me. Hitting the 2nd half of the "20's" decade is a little overwhelming to me. And maybe it's just my drama-queen nature, but it's been on my mind. And this afternoon, the swirl of thoughts in my head went something like this: 

"Erin.... you should have been a pageant girl! Or an actress! Or a model! What were you thinking! Choosing to be in ministry instead! You should have pursued a different career. Oh my word, I missed out. What if I chose the wrong college and took the wrong classes and chose the wrong after-school jobs and..." blah, blah, blah. What ifs. Questions. All these regrets flying through my head. Well, not really regrets in the most serious sense of the word, but just thoughts. You know what I mean? Those questions you ask yourself about choices you made in the past? Choices you can't change, ones that directed your life to where it is today. Not bad choices. But choices, nevertheless. And as we all know, when you say "Yes" to one thing, you are inevitably saying "No" to a thousand other options. And as I enter this second half of my twenties, retrospect has been on my heart. And I don't think that's always a bad thing. Considering, praying through choices, asking God for direction, looking at where you've been and where you're going - all good things. And as I grow older (and hopefully a little wiser) I want to always consider, always question what I am doing. Because our choices have consequences on our lives and futures and I believe it's healthy to "take stock" often. But honestly, I began to question. And worry, a little. Worry about the future, where I am headed. Wondering about my past and the choices I made that got me here today. 


But, as my thoughts swirled and the day progressed, I realized something afresh - no, I did not choose to model or pursue a music career or my doctorate in medicine or compete for Miss California. I did not choose to drive myself down to Hollywood studios and audition for roles in Disney TV shows (not that I would have "made it" anyway! And let's face it, I'm glad I'm wasn't a character on Hannah Montana.) I did choose to spend my time learning hospitality and Biblical womanhood from some of the wisest ladies in the world. I did choose to work in youth group and on the worship team at church. And yeah, I did waste some time. I did choose a few jobs I probably shouldn't have. I did do some things I wish I hadn't. But at the end of the day? I have to trust the Lord. He has my days and my life in His hands. He is ultimately in control. He is the One I trust. And worry has no place in a life that is surrendered to Him.

Peace filled my heart at the end of the afternoon. As I remembered how wonderful it is to belong to Jesus, who covers over our sins, mistakes, and all of our choices with His grace. And I was reminded of this in a crazy, sweet way. On my last stop of the day, at the grocery store, I ordered a tea at the in-store Starbucks. As I waited in line, an old man came up beside me. Smiling and wearing a flannel jacket, he leaned toward me and said, "You've got a large Louis Vuitton handbag there." Startled, I smiled - awkwardly (clearly, today was  "awkward interactions with strangers" day.)  He said it again, "That's quite the Louis Vuitton bag....." I just smiled, confused - as he continued, "Somebody must love you alot." 
 "Uhh yes.." I stammered (wondering how an elderly man knew the brand of my purse) and he said it again,

"Yep....somebody must reaaallllly love you."


I just nodded. And said, "Yes, someone does really love me." I decided to just go ahead and agree. And no - this older man wasn't right in his judgement - my handbag was not given to me by a rich, admiring man who is head over heels in love with me. In fact, I bought it for myself a couple years ago when I happily found it, heavily marked down at a consignment sale. But this sweet old man didn't know that. (Okay, maybe he wasn't sweet. Maybe he was just a creeper hitting on a girl 1/4 his age. And I've gotta be honest with you, in one hand he held a crinkled up newspaper, and in the other - a single can of tuna. Yes, you read it right - a can of tuna. I didn't want to ask.) 

Yet, after I walked away from the strange encounter, I realized - he is right.

Somebody does love me alot.


And at the risk of sounding totally corny (heck, who am I kidding - I am corny!) .... somebody loves YOU TOO.

So I sipped my tea and smiled tonight. Because I am loved. With a crazy, extravagant  overwhelming, beautiful love. And I am happy. 

Not because I made all the perfect life choices in the past. Not because everything is peachy and ideal today. Not because I was or was not cast as a model on TV or because I have a handsome man showering me with designer clothing and handbags (although, that wouldn't hurt ;) Simply because I am extravagantly loved by God. 

And the truth of that is beautiful enough to outshine any regrets we have about our past or fears we have about our future. Somebody loves you and me. Not because of what we've done or how smart or pretty or sweet we are. But because He made us and we belong to HIM. 

How beautiful is that? 

So, my friend - thank you for listening to my random stories of the day.
All of that to say, I just want to remind you of this - the real reason I shared all that with you:

Somebody loves you.

He really loves you.


Whether you are 16, or turning 26 like me...
or maybe you're turning 46.. or 60.

We are loved. 

Let's embrace the One who loves us.

Bravely embracing the future.
Because He is gracious.
And He loves us like crazy.



Goodnight, my loves.
I am thankful to remember He loves me.
And He loves you.

XO
Erin

29 comments:

  1. I find it hurts to be loved like that. Hurts my pride, my selfishness, my doing and my trying. Hurts my idea and worldview that I need to facilitate everyone else coming to Jesus and experiencing His love, whilst maybe gleaning a little of the dust He shakes off in the process.
    It hurts to be brave - to cry and to yell at Him and say, "WHY?" - to beg Him not to love because it hurts so bad and I just want to hide from it so it dulls - just a little. Just for a moment.
    He's relentless though.
    He doesn't stop leaving Louis Vuitton handbags lying in places I have to notice even though I'm fighting the vision. He keeps dropping blessings in unexpected places and keeps giving when I refuse it.
    I'm waiting for it to hit me. Sure it will one day. Running doesn't work with love like that.

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  2. thankful for you and your words, friend. Thanks for proclaiming truth.
    just thinking on the crazy love of Jesus last night and it brought tears to my eyes and I ended up on my knees, just thanking Him. what a sweet Father we have!

    xo,
    Jennifer

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  3. Erin, you always post the most relevant reminders at the times in my life when I need to hear them the most. I was just saying to a friend that I need to learn how to walk in the the love of Jesus, not just believe it in my head. Thanks and love ya, girl!

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  4. Such a beautiful post erin. and Choosing ministry over a career in modeling/acting/music was NOT the wrong decision. You're using your talents for the kingdom, and that is beautiful. Love you girl!

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  5. What a fun day! lol

    I am about to turn 25 actually and while other friends have already turned this age complain about how "old" they are I'm just, waiting. Excited actually.

    I decided a long time to enjoy the age I am at now instead of wishing I was younger or older. Sometimes it's easier said than done. BUT I am excited about turning 25.

    And I forget that we ARE STILL YOUNG. And beautiful of course. :) Sometimes it seems that my life is over because I have my marriage and my kids. But God can do so much more!

    It's really very exciting!

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  6. i just turned 26 a few months ago, and these same thoughts constantly circulated throughout my mind daily! but then i remembered that God's ways are higher than mine; His plan for my life is better than anything i could imagine.

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  7. Thanx Erin. A lot. This was really good.

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  8. Oh my gosh, Erin! I'm reading this at work at about to lose it. This spoke straight to my heart. I know I'm young, but just like you, it's starting to get overwhelming knowing that what I've said yes to in ministry means saying no to so many other things. Thank you so much for the reminder that we are lavishly loved :)

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  9. Loved this post!!! Thank you for always being honest!

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  10. eep i know what you mean about feeling old. In 6 months time I'll be turning 25 and hitting that quarter of a century is a major blow. Even though I know I'm young, and I still have so many years to achieve all the things I dream of achieving, I still feel old ! haha, it's crazy

    I am holding a giveaway worth $50 over at my blog today

    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

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  11. This post almost brought me to tears. It is so beautiful and it reminds me why I started blogging and reading other blogs in the first place: to read stories like this. You are a wonderful writer and you really ARE loved :)

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  12. YOUR SO AMAZING.

    HOW did you get so gifted with words?!
    xo

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  13. Beautiful post! =)

    We ARE loved! In ways I am sure we can't always completely understand!

    Blessings to you Erin!

    xoxo

    Danise

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  14. Beautifully said. :-) That sure WAS an "awkward meeting with strangers day"! Ha! But so glad you shared the process your heart went through, and the rest you found in the end. - And as one who has recently left the 20s behind. It's not so bad. Truly. I think I'd rather grow wise and gentle, than be young forever! Happy Monday Erin.

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  15. Wow, Erin...you are wiser beyond your years! I just love how you write so eloquently and share what's on your heart. That's definitely a "God thing"! I'm a long way from 26, but I feel incredibly blessed for the journey I've had, thus far, with all it's ups and downs. God has been there with me every step of the way. Doesn't get much better than that! Please stop by when you can...I'm having a giveaway today!

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  16. Thanks, Erin! Wonderful reminder. I'm turning 20 in a few months, and I have been thinking about how I'm getting older and wondering if I should have done things differently....but this post reminded me that I literally have my whole life ahead of me and God has a plan for all of it. Thanks for the reminder, sweet friend.

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  17. SOOOO beautiful my dear. I can relate to wondering if i've "missed" something! But...when we are covered in his love we can rest in that grace, and be brave. Thanks for this lovey!!! love Katie

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  18. Wow. This. Was. Amazing. Thank you, Erin. Love you and am praying for you...

    xo
    purposelyathome.blogspot.com

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  19. Girl, you have sooo much wisdom! U have such an encouraging blog. You have always been a great example to me, and even my mom reads your blog with me, because you have been such an inspiration! Thank ytou so much for the influence u have been to me and many others! Love ur heart ; )

    Smiles,

    Noelle : )

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  20. Hello! I just found your blog and I love it! Such a honest and encouraing post!

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  21. Hey Dear, nice blog here!
    You look like a really sweet girl =)
    What about following each other? Let me know in comments!
    XOXO

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  22. That is such a cool story! You must feel so honored about how pretty she thought you were :) And don't worry, I'm 24 and even get carded for glue - do I really look 15??? haha

    Stopping by for the first time :)

    Meg @ http://myborrowedheaven.blogspot.com

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  23. Oh Erin,
    I do love this post sooo much.
    Don't fear the upper end of your twenties. The next several years are going to be amazing for you!! I am finding that living life, having been a little more seasoned with time and experience, is so much more fulfilling and exciting.

    Going to share this one with everyone! Thanks for linking up!
    Xxo

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  24. I love this post and like you I chose ministry over everything else and like you I am at peace with it. I am thankful to be reminded of God's love for me, thanks a lot Erin.

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  25. Hi Erin! This is such a brilliant post! I can truly relate to everything you said - I felt the same way at 25... 26... 27. And in a few weeks I'll be 28 and the big 3-0 seems far too close (and scary!) Thanks for such a great perspective :)

    Lauren @ www.stylelixir.com

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  26. This was one of those posts that I'm going to come back to when I feel sad and reread over and over again to make myself feel better. Thanks for writing such a feel-good post and sharing your thoughts!!

    By the way, you totally are not old :)

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sweet friends, share your heart.

"kind words are like honey...sweet..and healing.." -proverbs 16:24.

xo.

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