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Monday, March 25, 2013

i got a letter the other day.. from me.

It was really the worst night ever. Like, THE worst night ever. I was a mess of tears and I woke up with what I call a "crying hangover" - no, not due to too many drinks.... but too many tears. (Not sharing this to make y'all feel bad for me, just being really honest. And yes, I'm okay. Life just became too much, some rough stuff happened, and I was just weary. Dramatic is the side I tend to, and sometimes a good cry is just what I need... can I get an amen sisters?) I dragged myself from bed, and oh the sight I beheld in the bathroom mirror. Bags under my eyes, white as a sheet face, and my hair. Oh my hair. Something more akin to a rat's nest than hair, piled on the top of my head. Hawwwt mess, people. Really, as hot as hot messes come. With one eye open, I poured my hazelnut coffee (by the way, the best coffee ever...remind me to tell you about it later) with soy milk and a little sugar in the raw, and somehow found the couch. Flipped open my laptop and checked my email, all without thinking. Mechanically, I sifted through 30 new emails.. organized them into folders...(my hair isn't the only hot mess around here.. my Inbox is even worse!) then onto the junk mail. Highlighted 25 of 'em, all trash. But then something caught my eye.
It was from "Future Me.Org" and the title read, "A letter from March 5th, 2012." 
Hmmmm, I thought. What is that?? 
I opened it up, my eyes scanning the words. It was a letter. A weird feeling came over me, a feeling of familiarity. I've seen this before.... and suddenly, I remembered as I read. 
It began, 

Dear FutureMe....

It was a letter from ME. From one year ago that morning. 

Tears sprang into my tired eyes, flowing down my cheeks, onto the keyboard.

You see, on March 5, 2012, I found a website called FutureMe.org - a creative little website where you can write a letter to yourself, enter your e-mail address, and set the letter to send to you... on any day you wish. A year later, a month, six months. Ten years. It's really a fun, remarkable idea. I wrote a letter to me, choosing the one year time mark. And then I completely forgot about it... life got crazy, and 2012 played out and ended.

The things I wrote are for me to see, they're secret - some things, only God knows. I wrote how I felt that very morning, my fears, my sorrows, the little disappointments... and the big ones. The strong faith, the blessings, the pain, the hopes - the dreams. I wrote a list of hopes. That when the letter found me, 365 days later, those hopes just might have come true. 

Ending the letter, I wrote, 

i hope things come full circle for you.
i hope you are healthier.
i hope you are stronger.
i hope you say "no" more often.
i hope you dance when there's rain.
and i hope that the sun shines and it's a beautiful day.
i hope you love jesus more than you did on march 5, 2012.
cause he loves you.
love,
me.
Suddenly, my heart filled with peace. Not because I got all sentimental over a cool idea come to pass - but because I realized something: when I wrote the letter, I had no idea what my life would look like now, in 2013. The joys that would come, the sorrows. I penned it blind - looking into an unknown future. But you know what? Someone knew that a year from that day, I would need that letter. Someone knew that the night before I opened my Inbox and saw the unexpected letter, I had cried and cried and cried. Someone knew I needed to be reminded of hope. And that someone? He's the Lord. God knew. Because He cares. He knows the number of hairs on our heads! And He deeply, intimately cares for each one of us - our needs, our hopes, our fears. He sees our past, our present... and our future. The letter was such a sweet reminder to me - that in the messiness of life, the heartache and pain - His eye really is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me. Oh how sweet that is.
Friend, you should do it too. Hand write it with your favorite pen, stationary and washi tape. Or use the website I did. Write your heart, write a prayer for your one year post self. You never know where the letter will find you. And how you might need it, in whatever you are walking through a year from today.
At the bottom of the letter, I wrote this: 
Remember - you don't know what your future holds,
but you know WHO holds your future.
Do it. It might surprise you and make you smile.
It did for me.. like woah.
Love you all so. And so does He.
//Outfit Stats// 

Chambray Top: Boutique in LA
Mint Dress: Target 
Shoes: Target 
Bracelets: Forever 21
Watch: Michael Kors
Necklaces: Forever 21 (gem) & Love Culture (cross)




15 comments:

  1. this is precious! I will def. be trying this out!

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  2. I wouldn't expect any less from God! This is so awesome. I'll certainly be looking into that website :)

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  3. This is so beautiful :) I love the way that God reminds us of His love! And I so know those crying hangovers. Love you dear, sending immense amounts of love your way!

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  4. The crying hangover, oy!

    I think I might send a letter to myself in a year!

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  5. oh friend! He loves you SO much! You are so precious and such a gem to Him!!! =) Wish I could give you daily hugs! Know that I am praying for you! I know exactly what you mean about the crying hangovers! He has a beautiful plan friend! =)
    Love you SO much! Your heart is just beautiful, it shows SO much in this post!

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  7. I so appreciate your honesty. It really helps me! Girl, I just so love you. Really I do.

    A crying hangover....Yes! You totally said it. I understand those oh so well.

    That is really soo cool, Erin. And encouraging. I think I might do something like that.

    I want to just give you a big hug right now so bad....Just know that if I could, I totally would. You are so loved, beautiful.
    Thank you for sharing your heart and struggles. I know thats not always easy. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend.

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  8. This is so cool!!!!!! WOW. I recently had my 8th grade students write letters to their future selves and next January I will mail it to them. I think some of them will be surprised at how they've grown, matured, and changed since middle school .... or at least I hope they do!!!! Thank you for sharing the website and your experience, what a blessing!!!!

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  9. Praise God! It's quite a relief to know we serve the one true God who is completely sovereign and sustains us. This is such a beautiful reminder of that. I'm going to start a study on the attributes of God right now and that's something I wanted to reach into- how He sustains us. I may have to find my way to that website too! Thank you for sharing this :)

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  10. oh. my. goodness. girl, this gave me chills! you are loved and admired.

    can't wait till tomorrow. it's tgbtb day!! :D

    xo
    purposelyathome.blogspot.com

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  11. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of some of the things we have learned in the past and already know in our hearts and God helps us find the strength to get back up and keep on keepin' on.

    In the past I've gone through some of my old stuff and found things I wrote from a few years back, and at first, it's like...did I write this, can't believe I knew all about this a few years back and am struggling with it now!! but it's like you said, God knows the number of hairs on our heads,.. His love is amazing, he guides us in ways we cannot imagine.

    One of my favorite passages is...

    If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.-Matthew 7:11

    It's a reminder to never stop praying for guidance in life, because we all need God's help and we can ask for good things, and he will provide for us, sometimes though it ends up being totally different than we pictured.

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  12. oh, and I forgot to say..(or I guess I hit the button before I finished...oops, hehe) anyways..

    Nice outfit, I wish I were brave enough to wear more dresses...and I love the huge tree, Is that your yard?

    Right now we are in the process of getting some trees planted because our yard doesn't have much yet. When I was little we had big trees in the yard and I miss them. We're looking for the trees that are the fastest growing, cause most trees take like 20 or 30 years to get huge like that.

    I would totally tie up a hammock or a big swing of some sort on that big ole tree...

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  13. My 8th grade teacher had us handwrite letters to ourselves, & she mailed them to us the spring of our senior year in high school. It was inspiring and encouraging to read words from a young,, naive me but a me who was confident in the Lord's sovereignty. It made me smile, & tear up. Some of the words I wrote then, I needed to hear now. The Lord and His timing, right??

    PS, I gotcha on the crying hangovers!

    Bethany

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sweet friends, share your heart.

"kind words are like honey...sweet..and healing.." -proverbs 16:24.

xo.

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