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Thursday, May 9, 2013

heartache healer.

                                                       I Am by Nichole Nordeman on Grooveshark

If I were to be honest with you, I would tell you my heart's all achy tonight. It's been one heck of a week. Actually, it's been one heck of a year so far. Life comes at us fast and hard sometimes. And looking back on my last weeks and months, it kinda feels like a haphazard whirlwind/wild rollercoaster ride mixed with lots of change, some just-staying-the-same, and honestly - a lot of hot messes of tears. And friends, I have to admit, I've done "the ugly cry" a couple times. Here on our little blogs, we must share only what we are comfortable with, only what our boundaries allow - for our hearts, families, and personal convictions. And so, I have not divulged everything I've walked through lately, because it's not always my story to tell. I share this to let you know, though sometimes our Instagram pictures and Facebook profiles, our Tweets and blog posts may look glammed up, perfect and happy all the time - those are just little slices of our lives, little snapshots of our whole pictures... small tastes of our whole story. And I think it's OK to share the lovely things, the blessings - to look for the good and share it. It's not always appropriate or right for us or our families to share the good, bad AND the ugly. So I hope you know that, though bloggers can seem all put together and perfect, we are not. Or rather, I am not. When I talk about heartache, I know it. Even if I don't share a laundry list of reasons why. I know. And you are not alone, my friend, in those struggles, heartaches, and quiet "underworlds" of your life you walk through - the things you do not share on social media. The struggles you face, that you don't or cannot talk about with friends. You are not alone. We all face heartaches, in our own unique ways, and no one's life is picture perfect.

This week, I faced a loss and it cut deep. It's honestly been a really, really rough few days. (Hence my lack of posting here.) When I was 13, my family adopted two of the sweetest Labrador Retrievers ever: one chocolate, one black. Dad named them Joshua and Caleb. Those two precious pups lived through so much life with my family. Nearly 13 years of ups, downs, happy days and sad ones. They were always there - through every one of my teen years, and many of my 20's. So many memories. And they represent so much in my life and my family's life. Early this week, sweet Caleb, our black lab, began to struggle to catch his breath. Being elderly dogs, I knew this day was coming, but just wasn't really ready. Caleb, the once frisky and always hyper dog we loved, laid quietly and peacefully on an old quilt....breathing in and out. Slowly. He wasn't sick. Just tired. And Tuesday morning, I sat down next to him. I whispered what a good dog he was, a good friend. And how sorry I was that I wasn't there... when I was in college, in the last few I missed him. He just propped his chin on my leg, as if to say he forgave and forgot it all - as dogs do. Tears falling softly from my eyes onto his graying head. The sky outside was heavy early this week... cloudy, gray and rainy. Strange for Southern California in May. As if the weather matched the sadness in the air. Yesterday morning, he quietly passed away. My dad buried him under an old oak tree on my family's land. We cried, alot. We knew it was his time to go, he lived long and happily. His sweet brother pup is rather lost without him, and that is so heartbreaking to see. Joshua laid on his brother's freshly laid grave yesterday. He knew. And we will all really miss him. 
caleb & i, last spring

Quite honestly, this morning, something in me rose up - angry. Not just over this natural loss but all heartache. I hate loss. My spirit really does. And I know it may sound silly to someone, my heartache and pain over losing our dog, but it's real and it matters. The pain and loss you are walking through may be far greater than this loss, and it matters... oh so much. I hate endings. Change. Pain. Disappointment. Death. 
But then I remember the hope I have. The true, phenomenal hope - because death does not win! I've read the end of the Bible. Death loses! Jesus wins, through His death on the Cross. Yes, we experience loss and disappointment, heartache and death here on this broken earth. But death does not have the final say - Jesus has the final say. And He is LIFE. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy,
but I (Jesus) have come that you may have life
and have it to the full." 
John 10:10

Friend, if you are searching for hope in loss today - the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a pet, a dream, a job, health, a home, anything....know there is a Heartache Healer. He loves you. And He offers you life - eternal life. 
(Also, I really believe God takes care of animals... as my dad (who is a Doctor of Theology ;)  says - if God creates a place for animals here on the earth, wouldn't He take care of them in heaven?)

I am thankful for the I Am, tonight.
For hope in loss.
For the Heartache Healer. 

And thank you for the sweet prayers for my aching heart. 
If your heart is aching too, please share in the comments so we can pray.
Also - next week, I have some really exciting stuff to announce.
A project I've been working on for a year, something I am so thrilled to share with you.
Until then, love and hug and be loved.
Life is short.



I love this thought on loss:

"You will lose someone you can't live without,
 and your heart will be badly broken,
and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved.
But this is also good news.
They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up.
And you come through.
It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly -
that still hurts when the weather gets cold,
but you learn to dance with the limp."


  1. Ohhh, I'm so sorry for you! Praying that Jesus pours his love all over you right now!!
    I need prayer, that my heart will continue to heal. I'm just at the beginning of the divorce process. Lots of love to you sweet girl.

  2. Very sorry to read about your pup. Praying for you sweetie. I know it's hard.

    You should've warned me ahead of time that I needed a box of tissues. Had to actually take my glasses off to finish reading this b/c I couldnt see thru the tears or my glasses. I made it though.

    Let's see...I could use prayer as well for several things. Heartache from the past relationships and that they didnt last and that it's like a domino effect that I have and I'm scared of meet a guy that seems to be so great and has such strong faith and love in our Christ, Lord & Savior - Jesus Christ and so much more. I'm scared the whole thing will happen again and that I wasnt meant to have an actually "real" "True Love" relationship or anything good for that matter.

    Then the lost of my gma. This month will be 9 yrs and seems like it was just yesterday when she gained her angel wings.

    I've also lost a dog. A black lab named Smokey I think 5 yrs ago not really sure. Animals are just like family. No matter what they are you grow a strong bond to them and get attached. We now have a inside dog. A Boston Terrier who will be 7 this yr and he's getting old himself.

    Love and prayers to you and your family! :D
    Come stop by and say hello and share your thoughts! :D

  3. I'm so sorry for your loss, Sweetie. I love animals so much and I hate loss of any kind. You're in my prayers and heart. Love from little Lexie too! xoxo

    Revelation 21:4 (one day friend, there will be no crying, no pain, no death)

  4. Sweet Erin,

    I experienced this loss my senior year in high school. We had a white German shepherd named Carly. We got her right when we moved to the place we are now. She was everything to me. She would always lay on my white rug
    And sleep there to protect me. She was there for so many things from bringing to baby sister home, to heartaches because I had no bf, to my grandmother's death, to friendship loss in 10th and 11th grade, etc. she was very protective of us. We came to find out she was from a puppy mill. I don't know how I would made it those years without her. I will be praying for you and your family dear friend.



  5. Sweet friend, I know this heartbreak all too well. I cried reading your post, as I had to put my sweet little dog to sleep a little over a year ago. She was very ill, and it was sudden. The only comfort in death for me is knowing that they go to be with Jesus, in a beautiful place filled with abudant Joy and no more suffering. I know they will be waiting to greet us at the gates when our time comes too. Big hugs and lot's of prayers to you sweet friend. Love you!

  6. This is a beautiful and honest post and I love that! I admire your transparency here.

    I must admit that, right now, I am having a difficult time with the quote at the end. My best friend is someone whom I feel I could not live without, and right now she is not doing well emotionally/mentally/spiritually. She is, honestly, on the edge of life. For the past few days I have had moments (and sometimes hours!) when I really am not sure if I can believe that she is gonna survive this time. I am scared and constantly wondering. But the thing is, if I lost her, I'm not sure if I COULD heal. I don't know if I could learn to dance again even with the limp. Because even now, in the midst of all my worry and fear about her, I am paralyzed. So, I guess I could really use prayer for that.

    I will come back to this post for encouragement though, because it really is wonderful to be reminded that there is always hope...even when I don't feel like there is. Thank you, Erin.

    Emily Anne

  7. Such soothing words <3

    I'm so sorry for your loss, sweet one.

    I know how that feels.

    Just like you said, healing is in His hands <3

  8. oh, erin, i ache for you. i'm so sorry to hear about this loss. you are loved and i hope you are comforted by His peace.


  9. aw, sorry to hear about your dog.

    I thought about this when my husband and I got our first dog last year. I can't stand loss, and I knew that if we got a dog that it would live for only about 10 to 15 years at the most, then I would have to deal with losing it.

    and I think about loss practically everyday since our wedding, the thought of how someday the day will come when one of us will pass on. I don't know if it will be him or me first, but I pray for strength for the both of us constantly, because honestly we don't know that it will be when we are old. Something could happen at any time.

    We experience loss for a reason I think, honestly for some people, loss might be the only thing that draws them closer to God. I think that loss strengthens and prepares us in a way.

    Remember that Christ heals all wounds. Loss and suffering will all be over someday, but until then remember that everything is in God's hands.

  10. Oh, Erin...I cried for you reading this post.

    My first dog was a sweet black lab named Missy. My mom got her for my brother when she found out she was pregnant with me and she was a member of our family for 14 years. I truly believe that God gave us dogs to teach us how to love -- unselfishly, faithfully, and without judgment. Dogs live for such a short time and they give us so much of themselves from the moment they open their eyes until the moment they close them. Mia, the German Shepherd we got the July after we lost Missy, will be 12 in a few weeks. I know her time is short, but I won't be ready when it's over.

    Praying for your sweet heart as you grieve.

  11. Oh Erin, I am so sorry for your loss. Every dog we have owned has been become part of our family and their passings met with grief. Praying for God's peace and comfort to uplift you and His love surround you.

  12. I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my sweet dog last August. He was my 13th birthday present and like my child. I was away at school when he passed and didn't get a chance to be with him because he was taken away so unexpectedly. I've been praying for you beautiful and will keep praying for your strength! xoxo


sweet friends, share your heart.

"kind words are like honey...sweet..and healing.." -proverbs 16:24.


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